Thursday, December 11, 2008

Teens problems on Love and relationships - solved by the Love Doctor

Hello dear readers of the Love Doctor Blog.

Today we are going to answer a letter from a confused 15 year old girl. She emailed me last month about her problem with her boyfriend. The letter is below. Enjoy and happy reading.

Hey love doctor. I'm Aura, im 15 and people may say that I'm to0 young to be in love but in my heart i know that i love my boyfriend with all my might. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year and 1 months and some days. I love him, but sometimes all we do is argue and argue. He doubts me at times, and he is also real jealous. I dont know why we argue so much. I wish that i had a solution to this problem.

I don't want to loose him and when we argue all hell goes loose. Um.. me and him have ben through ALOT, there's no explanation to what we have gone through. I've always been there for him and he has always been there for me. OUr live's are rough. My parents love him and his parents love us being together. When people see us they stare and say that we will be together an eternity, and teachers love watching us be together. They know that we keep each other happy at time's and if we don't then its not right. If i'm not with him for a day or if i dont see him it makes me down and sad. I've been going through alot of emotional break downs, and i know that they are not healthy.

Sometimes i give up on Chris(my boyfriend). We have plans on wanting to be together and when we get out of college be together and live a long life together. But waitt... thats not it. Sometimes things can go like peaches and cream and then like a dog and a cat. I broke up with him today and told him that i was tired of his shit.

But i broke down crying because i need him we share out thoughts, spirits, emotions, and most of all love and heart together. He called me and asked me if i was still his wife that he loved me and that he dosen't want to loose me, and that if i can give him more chances. I know that this sounds ridiculous but... he treats awfully bad sometimes like he will get jealous and scream and tell me that im a liar, and im not.

Ive never cheatd on him or nothing, and i know that he hasnt cheated on me either. I just want this arguing to stop, i love him and my heart wont take it anymore if we continue to argue ove r non important reasons. I hope that you can help me doc. I love him, and i need him as much as he needs me. hopefully things will turn out good and fall in the right foot steps, dont get me wrong, im wrong at times also and i knowt that. well please help!! thanxxx.


Hi Aura!

The key to any good relationship is compromise. Arguments cannot be avoided in relationships.

Don't let those arguments get the better of you. You've been with each other for so long and both your families love seeing you together, you have to make it work if you really love each other. There is a way to make him feel more secure with himself so he won't accuse you of anything anymore, but that is, if only you're up to it. You can have him check your phone and your other online accounts so he can be sure that you aren't cheating and you're not fooling around behind his back. Once he sees that there really isn't anything to worry about he'd think twice before accusing you again.

When you argue, don't raise your voice at him as this would only provoke him (and you as well) to continue on arguing and it would never stop. Instead, talk to him calmly and keep repeating that you love him (without raising you voice) Tell him lovingly how much you love him and how much you don't want to argue as it would hurt the two of you. It may seem hard and you have to have a lot of patience but in dealing with overly jealous boyfriends you must learn how to be be calm. Remind yourself and him also about how much the two of you love each other. When he starts getting jealous and starts screaming at you again, just stay quiet, wait for him to finish whatever it is that he's saying and tell him, calmly and with as much sweetness that you love him. If he calls you a liar after that, remind him of the things that you have been through.

The important part is about being calm and not raising your voice. Let him say what he wants to say and show him that you're not going to argue with him. Boys get irrationally jealous of the people you're close with most of the time especially if you're very pretty so it can't really be avoided. Hopefully if you show him and become more transparent to him, he'll see that there really isn't anything to worry about. Sometimes all these boys need is the reassurance that you love them and that there's no one else in the world for you. I hope this helps.

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Monday, December 1, 2008

Can a Man and a Woman stay friends?

Can a Man and a Woman stay friends?

This is a compilation of reactions from my blog post a long time ago where a lot of debate goes on weather a man or a woman can just be in a stage they called “just friends”, will there be sexual attractions going on or will the platonic friendship with the opposite sex stick to just being friendship. Read more about my reader’s reaction through my email.

This is from a single girl around mid teens.

I think we can be. As a matter of fact, I find it's so much easier to talk to guys (I'm a girl) than girls. Maybe it's because I'm finally exiting the awkward teenage stage (I'm 18), or maybe it's my interests/hobbies. I don't know. Even if there is that attraction, if you both decide not to go there, then sharing secrets and taking long drives just build up that friendship. By the way, the points that the Rabbi gives only apply to married people. What about us singletons??

Another reaction came from a single woman who has a guy best friend.

My best friend is a guy. He is married and I am not, but we have been friends since we went to college. It has always been platonic. I am even friends with his wife now. Even though we live several hours apart, we make an effort to see each other as often as possible and we still talk on the phone at least once every two weeks or so. I decided a long time ago that if I dated a guy that had a problem with this friendship, then it would be the boyfriend that would go, not the guy friend. While I would not share things with my friend that I would not share to a future spouse, sometimes it is nice to get that male perspective on a problem.

Based on my experiences, there is no problem with a guy and a girl being nothing more than friends.

The last testimonial comes from someone who doesn’t agree on the issue.
No matter how much people will deny and claim that it's "just friendship," a man and a woman just cannot be friends. There will always be some type of sexual thoughts underlying the friendship. I know that nowadays it's common for friends to engage in sexual activities without actually dating. In that case, then yeah, I guess men and women can be "just friends" if that's what you consider friendship. But if we're talking about a normal friendship as would occur between the same sex-- then no.

Before I got married, I wouldn't waste my time with "friends" I had no intention of banging. My husband was the same way. Now that we're married, to avoid problems we just don't have any friends. We're happy this way because we are each other's best friend.

So there you have it, 3 different reactions from 3 different people. I guess we will never conclude if men and women can just stay friends.

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Thursday, September 4, 2008

Real Love - How to date When You still Live With Your Parents

Real Love - How to date When You still Live With Your Parents

Are you an adult who's living with Mom and Dad again? That doesn't mean you can't have a social life. Here are the rules to this new game.

Faced with rising rents, school loans to pay off and a tight job market, more and more adults are moving back home with their parents—about 18 million between the ages of 18 and 34, according to the US Census Bureau. While living rent-free has its advantages, navigating the dating scene can certainly get tricky when your folks are in the room next to yours. Cuddling on the couch with a new girlfriend or boyfriend? Awkward at best. And is sex even a possibility with the 'rents around? We asked four live-at-home daters to reveal their biggest hassles when it comes to living at home, then we got Andra Medea, author of Conflict Unraveled: Fixing Problems at Work and in Families, and Susan Newman, social psychologist and author of Nobody's Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship With Your Mother and Father, to step in with some solutions.
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"My Mom Won't Let My Boyfriend Sleep Over!"
Name: Whitney

Age: 24
Years at home: 4

Hardest part? "My boyfriend is free to come and go—as long as he doesn't spend the night," Whitney says. "My mom was good about compromising in the beginning; she said he could stay over as long as he stayed in my brother's old room. But of course, we would sneak into each other's room—and playing musical beds at 5 A.M. is not the best thing. Now she won't let him stay over at all, so I always have to go to his place. Sometimes I'd really just like to have him stay here with me, but my mom refuses to see that I'm a grown woman who should be allowed to have guests over."

What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened? "I hate coming home very late (or rather, very early) after spending the night at my boyfriend's. My mom is up at the crack of dawn, so it's a little awkward when I come home at 6 A.M. and she's like, 'When I saw you last night, you were here.' If she'd just let him stay over, this wouldn't happen."

The solution: Whitney needs to level with her mother, our experts say. "Look, her mom is well aware that she's sneaking around-and that's got to feel rather teenage," Medea says. "It's not sophisticated to be running down the hall at five in the morning. It's one thing at 16 to believe you're fooling your folks, but at 24, she should know better!" Her mom already knows what's going on; she's just trying to pretend it's not happening, Newman says: "Parents do get stuck in the mindset of thinking their child is a child and young adults have to jog their parents' minds and remind them that they're grown."

How do you do that? Honesty is the best route, Newman says. "She could point out that before she moved back home, her mom didn't know she'd stayed out all night with some guy. She can say, 'You're going to have to look at me as a responsible adult who can make smart decisions for herself. What do you think I was doing when I was living on my own?'" If her mom still balks at letting her boyfriend spend the night, Whitney can also try presenting the situation in terms of safety rather than sleeping arrangements, Medea suggests. "She can say, 'I don't think I feel comfortable coming home at 4 A.M. Maybe I should stay there or he can stay here.'" That should get the topic out in the open and both sides talking about what makes sense.

"Living at Home Has Killed the Romance"
Name: Gabriel
Age: 27
Years at home: 6

Hardest part? "If I ever want to bring a girl home, just to watch a movie or cook dinner or something, I can't," Gabriel complains. "Having your parents around when you're trying to cozy with your date dampens the whole thing. It can really inhibit the flirting. And forget about sex at home! It's always at the girl's place or in the car or at a hotel. I would never have sex in the house with my parents there. It makes me too uncomfortable."

What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened? "My mom had told me that she was going to be out of the house for hours, so my girlfriend came over. Unfortunately, my mom came home earlier than expected. She didn't catch us naked or anything, but it was still embarrassing because we were disheveled enough that she knew my girlfriend and I were being intimate."

The solution: Since Gabriel finds it hard to be romantic with his parents around, he should try to negotiate with his parents to find time when he can have the house to himself, perhaps every other weekend. Newman suggests saying something simple, like: "I feel a little uncomfortable having dates over when you're here. Can we work out a plan?" The plan will involve boundaries and a level of privacy that satisfy both parties. Newman adds, "In general, an adult child's bedroom should be totally off limits to the parents and that needs to be negotiated before the child moves in."

Still having a tough time feeling romantic with your mom's Precious Moments figurines staring down at you from the mantel? Medea suggests being creative with dates and getting out of the house completely. "Instead of a candlelight dinner at home, take the candles and the dinner and go to a park or a beach, which is so romantic," she says. "Gabriel can invest in a small hibachi and dazzle her with his cooking skills that way. This takes the parents out of the equation altogether and he can really impress the girl."

"My Parents Are Too Nosy!"
Age: 23
Years at home: All her life

Hardest part? "My parents always know when I'm dating someone new—even if I want to keep it private for awhile," Karen says. "And it bothers me, especially in the beginning, to have my mom prodding me, 'Who is he? What's he do?' It gets annoying. Plus, my parents want to meet my dates right away—and they usually do. And that can be awkward sometimes because of the whole 'Oh, you're going to have to meet my parents now,' which adds pressure when you've just started dating someone."

Most embarrassing moment: "That has more to do with my 14-year-old sister hanging around when I want time alone with my boyfriend. I guess it's more annoying than embarrassing. Other than that, if I do something my mom doesn't agree with—like staying out too late — well, I have to deal with the cold shoulder and her pretending she has no daughter!"

The solution: Karen's problem ultimately comes down to timing. "Karen wants to get to know her date before her parents do," Medea says. "She wants to make up her mind about the guy without pressure or anyone else's input. That's reasonable. She can talk to her mom and dad and tell them that they're very important to her, but it's a big step before she presents a guy to them. She can even flatter them by saying she wants to decide if the guy makes the grade before bringing him to meet them."

As for all the nosy questions, Newman says, "Karen needs to tell her mom straight out to stop prying and that she'll let her know when it's someone she's serious about." She can say, "Mom, I appreciate your interest, but please stop asking so many questions—if it's someone you should know about, I'll tell you." And, Newman points out, "Instead of letting her mom's cold shoulder bother her, she can view it as breathing room!"

"Girls Think I'm a Loser Because I Live at Home"
Name: Joel
Age: 26
Years at home: 3

Hardest part? "I moved home because I got laid off from my job and it gave me the time to record my band's album," Joel says. "But it was a real self-esteem destroyer. It's hard to go up to a beautiful woman at a bar and start talking to her. It's not like a 'my place or yours' problem, because I'm not really about that. The situation is that I have to basically say, 'I'm sorry I can't even offer you a place to come and hang out.' I try not to bring up my living situation at all. It doesn't usually come up in casual conversation, so I never push it—unless it's a woman I'm really interested in."

Most embarrassing moment? "I haven't had any of those weird, embarrassing moments where I tell a new girl I live with my parents and she flips out…because I'm too nervous to even bring it up until I get to know someone a little better. Whenever I do tell a woman I'm seeing, I'm sure none of them are crazy about it, but I think they don't want me to feel bad, so they've never said anything."

The solution: Joel shouldn't be so nervous about telling women he lives at home, our experts agree. "Today, living at home doesn't carry the same stigma it used to," Newman says. "Joel is one of millions who are doing it. He should be upfront with women at the beginning."

The key is in how he talks about it. "What Joel can do is describe his living situation in terms of his plans-in Joel's particular case, saving money to record his band's album," Medea says. "Then he can focus on talking about the dream, rather than the things he has to do to make the dream happen. And since it's a cool dream, the woman will cut him some slack. A lot of people are moving back home to position themselves for their next big move. Start talking about your plan. Living at home is what you have to do; the dream tells someone who you are."
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Friday, July 18, 2008

My Husband is not Sexy anymore - my husband bores me to death

My Husband is not Sexy anymore - my husband bores me to death

"My Husband Is a Big Bore"

By Cynthia Hanson

Her Turn

"I'm so bored in my marriage," said Emily, 36, a fifth-grade teacher and mother of two -- Lisa, 9, and Will, 6. "When Joe and I got married 15 years ago he was a great conversationalist with tons of interests, including photography, tennis, and movies. He was also attentive and romantic, surprising me with flowers and weekend getaways. Now he's so preoccupied with running his insurance agency and working on the yard that he has no time for hobbies -- or for me. If I suggest that the two of us go out to eat or to a movie, Joe says he'd rather stay home with the kids. What's more, I shoulder all the parenting responsibilities. Joe's business lets him set his own hours, so couldn't he drive Lisa to ballet or Will to the dentist once in a while? Why must I always be the one who takes a personal day when they get sick?

"On the rare occasions we make love, we just go through the motions. Frankly, I don't find him sexy anymore: He's gained weight and wears outdated, ill-fitting clothes. He looks years older than he is.

"About a year ago I became friendly with a woman who came to our school to speak about art education. Deb's a painter and a free spirit who lives off a trust fund and travels all over the world. Just last week she showed me brochures for a rafting trip and a cruise she's planning to take. I got so envious! She has no kids and is separated from her second husband, so she can paint whenever the spirit moves her. The more time I spend with her, the more tied down and dejected I feel. After her divorce is final she's moving to Tucson to open an art gallery, and she's invited me to work for her. Separating from Joe and moving to Arizona sounds wild and irresponsible -- and appealing, maybe because I've never done anything wild or irresponsible in my entire life.

"Joe was my first and only boyfriend. Sometimes, on my worst days, I wonder if I rushed into marriage at 21 to escape my parents, who were perfectionists with impossibly high standards. If I got a new haircut, they'd tell me it accentuated my chubby face. In fact, Dad was so critical of my size that I joined Weight Watchers at 16, only to be told by the program director that I was at most five pounds overweight! My younger brother, Tom, was their clear favorite. I was expected to do daily chores, but Mom still made Tom's bed when he was in high school.

"Joe and I met on a blind date set up by friends. I was a high school junior from the New Jersey suburbs; he was a college sophomore from New York City. I was instantly attracted to his good looks and by the fact that he was more mature than the boys I knew. Our conversation flowed easily, and when he kissed me good-night it was the best kiss of my life."

"Joe had all the traits I was looking for -- kindness, intelligence, ambition -- and we shared the same goals. I thought I'd found my soul mate. We dated through college and got married right after I graduated.

"Our newlywed years were happy and hectic. I taught elementary school here in New Jersey -- a career I pursued at my parents' insistence, even though I'd wanted to study library science, while Joe sold insurance, hoping to run his own agency someday. We entertained, played tennis, and took road trips. On weekends we often attended crafts shows, since I made pottery and Joe liked photography.

"Back then our only argument was about my parents, who were -- and are -- very domineering. They insisted we celebrate every holiday with them and badgered us to have a baby, stop renting and buy a starter home. Joe said I was too dependent and wanted to limit our contact, but I could never stand up to them. I still can't.

"By the time Lisa was born, six years into our marriage, we'd bought a fixer-upper on an acre of land and Joe had started his own agency. Will came along three years later and we slipped into a totally child-and home-centered lifestyle, with our 'fun' limited to family outings. Joe is obsessed with his business and what he calls our 'property,' so every moment not devoted to his job is spent working on the house and lawn. I've begged him to hire a lawn service and contractors, but he refuses.

"So now we lead separate lives, connecting only at dinner with the kids. Every night after they're asleep I read in bed while he watches TV or works on his home-improvement projects. I'm so disappointed that I don't see any redeeming qualities in Joe or believe that he'll ever make me happy again.

"Last week, when I found myself calling Realtors to find out how much one-bedroom apartments rent for in Tucson, I realized I'd hit bottom. I know I'd enjoy working with Deb in the art gallery and I think I could live without Joe, but I love my kids too much to leave them. But neither would I want to yank them away from everything they've ever known. 'I'm miserable,' I told Joe. 'Join me in counseling, or I'm filing for divorce.'"

His Turn

"So Emily thinks I have no redeeming qualities?" said Joe, 40, sighing. "That's a low blow. I may not be perfect, but I'm a loving husband, devoted father, and excellent provider. I guess that's not enough for her.

"It's true I've neglected my hobbies and I tend to talk about my business and family. But since when does Emily's happiness depend on whether I take photographs or play tennis? Besides, I could say the same about her: When was the last time she made pottery or discussed an interesting book?

"Emily can't accept that we're not footloose single people anymore. We have children to raise, careers to manage, and a house to run. We've achieved our goals, but Emily is infatuated with the freedom her friend Deb has. She's planted crazy ideas in Emily's head about the 'burdens' of marriage and motherhood. Deb's a bad influence, and as far as I'm concerned, she can't move to Arizona fast enough.

"For years now I've been walking on eggshells, fearful of Emily's bad temper and snide comments. We almost never make love; Emily has rejected me so many times I've stopped trying. She's perpetually annoyed with me. If I mow the lawn, she claims I'm more interested in it than her. She's so moody I would rather mow the lawn than be with her.

"I grew up in Queens, New York. My parents instilled strong work ethics in my sister and me, and I grew up helping my dad with home repairs. I take great pride in the way I look after our property today. And yes, I'm reluctant to pay somebody to do work I can do myself. But instead of appreciating my efforts, Emily makes nasty remarks.

"It's almost hard to believe now just how easy it was to fall in love with her. Emily was younger and more sheltered than the other girls I'd dated, but she was also more intelligent, witty, and refined. I liked her looks -- she's a pretty blonde -- and our personalities clicked. But her parents have always pushed her around, and that's been a much, much bigger problem than Emily admits. She wanted to become a librarian, but went into teaching to satisfy them. Her mother -- the most egotistical, overbearing person I've ever met -- phones eight times a day, shows up unannounced, and finds fault with everything. If Emily so much as forgets to send a cousin a birthday card, she hears about it from her mom. Emily's father is just as bad. He insists on being right and belabors every point until you give in to shut him up. I can't stand being around them, and have begged Emily to set limits. But even though she bad-mouths her parents to me, she refuses to do anything to change the situation.

"As for parenting, Emily is being unfair. Her workday ends at 3 p.m., when school is over, whereas that's my busiest time. I simply cannot scoot away from the office in the middle of the afternoon to chauffeur the kids around. When I'm not working I drive Lisa and Will to activities, help them with homework, and take them to the park. Why won't Emily give me credit for that?

"And this is the first I've heard that she hates my appearance. She's never commented on my weight or clothes before, though she did buy me some clothes that were way too trendy for me.

"Despite everything, I love my wife and can't bear the thought of losing her. I'm not mad at Emily for disliking me -- I'm just heartbroken that she feels that way. I'll do my part to improve our relationship, but she needs to do her part, too, by improving her attitude."

The Counselor's Turn

"A common predicament among couples who seek counseling is that one or both feel dissatisfied with themselves, but project that dissatisfaction onto their partners," said the counselor. "In this case, the more I heard Emily complain about her husband's shortcomings, the more I became convinced that the root cause of their marital woes was her profound personal unhappiness -- not Joe's behavior. To explain her misery, she had fixated on petty faults of Joe's, such as his expanded waistline and outdated wardrobe. I thought that if Emily felt better about herself, she would soften toward her husband and their marriage could be revived.

"First, we examined how Emily's childhood had shaped her behavior. After hearing her talk about her parents, I came to believe that both were narcissists -- manipulative attention-seekers who never take responsibility for being wrong. Adult children of narcissists are often insecure and unhappy, having tried to please their parents only to fall short again and again. Emily was typical: She did whatever her parents asked, from becoming a teacher to sending birthday cards to every distant relative, but nothing was ever enough, and she ended up angry and critical. She had unrealistic expectations for herself, Joe, motherhood, and marriage, and when life did not match those expectations, she retreated into a state of perpetual disappointment.

"'Narcissists don't take responsibility for their actions,' I told her. 'Hence, they never change. So the sooner you put some distance between you and your parents, the sooner your healing can begin.' Emily began declining their invitations, screening phone calls, and changing the subject when they criticized her. Midway through the couple's counseling, Emily's parents retired and moved to North Carolina, easing the withdrawal process. 'I haven't cut them off,' Emily said, 'but now I fight back when they try to meddle.'

"Similarly, I believed that being around Deb, whose life Emily saw as exciting and enviable, contributed to her discontent. So I encouraged her to cool things off. This proved to be fairly easy, because Deb was busy finalizing her divorce and preparing for her move. By the time Deb left, Emily was no longer under her spell."

"Next, after hearing Emily voice her regret that she didn't become a librarian, I encouraged her to enroll in a certification program in library science. Soon after being certified she found a job as a middle school librarian, which gave her a professional satisfaction she'd never known. This in turn restored her optimism and enthusiasm for other activities.

"As for Joe, he too needed to regain his spark. While he genuinely enjoyed working on the house and yard, it was partly a way to avoid Emily. I persuaded him to hire a lawn service and, when needed, contractors. He also added two salespeople to his staff, allowing him to be more involved with childcare. By watching his diet and power-walking with Emily, he lost 20 pounds and bought some new clothes that they picked out together. These physical changes brightened both their moods.

"I also encouraged the couple to hire a babysitter twice a month so they could go out alone. 'We eat out, watch movies, and have leisurely conversations without interruption,' said Emily, 'just like when we were newlyweds.' As the pair drew closer emotionally, their sex life picked up accordingly. They also resumed their art projects and even sold some pottery and photographs at crafts fairs. 'Unloading some of our stress helped us be creative again,' said Joe.

"'I've fallen back in love with my husband,' marveled Emily. 'The young me was right: Joe is my soul mate.'"

Originally published in Ladies' Home Journal, July 2008.

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Thursday, July 3, 2008

Good Mood Diet that works - for a healthy well being

The Good Mood Diet

Research shows certain snacks make potent anti-depressants, if you eat them right
By Thomas Crook, PhD, Prevention

My grandfather was a wonderful man who loved cookies. When I visited his lovely, old house surrounded by trees, flowers, vegetable gardens, and lawns, we shared all sorts of cookies, always paired with a large glass of cold milk. Over the years, they became so closely associated with visiting Granddad that now, whenever I have one, I feel buoyed by a swell of happy memories.

As it turns out, scientists have a solid explanation for that burst of good cheer. Studies by Richard Wurtman, MD, and Judith Wurtman, PhD, at MIT have shown that snacking on readily digested carbohydrates, such as those in a cookie or bagel, can raise the brain's level of the chemical serotonin, the very same target of modern antidepressant medication.

Of course, other foods are reputed mood boosters, too — though their reputations may not always be deserved. Before I give you a specific plan that will help you benefit from the MIT findings, let's look at a few. Tea is known as "the cup that cheers," and the caffeine in it can certainly improve energy. But that's a physiological response; no studies have confirmed a direct effect on your spirits. Mood booster? The jury's out. (The same is true of coffee.)

Alcohol is commonly thought of as a good-times libation, but it has a dark side. Although a recent study found that moderate drinkers (two drinks a day for men, one for women) had fewer depressive symptoms than nondrinkers, scores of other studies have established that alcohol in large quantities can be a devastating depressant. Mood booster? Perhaps, but only in small amounts.

As for chocolate, which many of us reach for as a pick-me-up: Australian scientists concluded recently that eating the sweet to lift your spirits "is more likely to prolong than abort the dysphoric [depressed] mood. It is not, as some would claim, an antidepressant." Mood booster? Apparently not. (Stick to a 1-ounce serving if you want to benefit from chocolate's disease-fighting antioxidants.)

That brings us to Granddad's cookies, which can brighten your spirits when eaten judiciously. (Incidentally, carb snacking may be more effective for women because they produce substantially less serotonin than men do.) Now, you won't want to try this regimen if you have diabetes or are prediabetic. But if you qualify, try raising your mood-lifting serotonin levels a couple of times a day by doing the following:

Include protein in each of your three meals.

This will raise blood levels of tryptophan, a chemical that eventually turns into serotonin. The best sources of tryptophan are poultry, seafood, and lean meat.

Have a small carbohydrate snack about 3 or 4 hours after each meal and about 1 hour before your next one.

Make sure that your stomach is empty and that you eat no protein between meals. The carbohydrates should be easily digestible — such as one or two oatmeal cookies, a third of a bagel, a slice of whole wheat bread. This will cause tryptophan in your blood to enter the brain, where it is metabolized into serotonin. Elevated serotonin will improve your mood within 20 to 30 minutes.

If you follow the rules, you'll also fall asleep more quickly at night, because at the end of the day, your brain metabolizes serotonin into the natural sleep aid melatonin. From happy to sleepy, all by way of a cookie. It doesn't get much cheerier than that!

Thomas Crook, PhD, a clinical psychologist, has conducted extensive research to improve our understanding of how the brain works. He is a former research program director at the National Institute of Mental Health and is CEO of Cognitive Research Corp. in St. Petersburg, FL.

Provided by Prevention

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Thursday, May 15, 2008

ReLaTiOnShIp 101

1. A man won't let go if he really

loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let

go of you. He does not love you and

does not value having you. Believe me,

he will not let go if he really loves

you. There is another reason he is not

willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he

ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended

your relationship. He just does not

love you. Do not waste your time

thinking of reasons or what you should

have done. Move on and be open to a

man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hung up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current

boyfriend just because your ex hurt

you. Do not treat him or the

relationship the same way. Do not

compare. He will not react the same

way as your ex. Do not be worried that

your simple mistakes will cause him to

look for another girl. What happened

with your ex was not your fault. It

was not because you didn't guard him

enough or you didn't make him happy


4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who

didn't have the best image in school

or at the office, but you get to know

the girl and found out she was

actually extremely nice? Do not rely

on images. Oftentimes, it is far from

reality. Do not fear men just because

your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend

mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you'd go

for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give

and do everything as long as it's

worth it. And it's worth it if the guy

is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don't be scared that he'll break up

with you. Once you are afraid of

losing him, you easily can be taken

advantage. Be strong and if something

is unacceptable, do not accept it and

speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.

It's a guy thing. The relationship

will definitely be better if it's the

guy who's calling, not the girl. He

will get tired of you if you keep on

calling. He will lose interest and

challenge. More

so, he will get annoyed. But it's a

girl thing also that your fingers get

too itchy until you dial his number.

But avoid as much as possible. Call

only if really needed (like checking

if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make

you feel valued, appreciated, and

loved. And I mean, not just during

your first few weeks together. So

don't lose hope. Don't settle for a

lesbian if you are not attracted to

women. There is a man out there who

can love you like a girl can.

Also, do not believe him when he says

it's just the way he really is. He's

not the sweet or expressive-type.

Remember during your first few weeks

together? Where has that sweet guy

gone? He simply is not that into you


9. Always be the only one, no matter


Do not ever fall for a guy who has

another girl, be it his wife,

girlfriend, or any girl that he says

he just can't get rid of for whatever

reason. If you truly believe that he

loves you and for some reason, he

can't leave or let go of another girl,

then you are no different from any

ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship

has been, he should always show

respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can

never trust nor respect the person


12. Never start a relationship the

wrong way.

Do not steal another girl's man, for

whatever reason. Nor should you enter

a relationship for the wrong reasons

(loneliness, on the rebound, getting

back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.)

it is bound not to last. You will only

end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a


Do not get into a relationship just

because your friends are getting

impatient with your dating escapades

and the one hasn't come yet.

Ever found yourself holding back because you're too proud?

I realized that pride would get me nowhere. You'll never get anywhere if you don't start somewhere. So swallow your pride. But what I failed to mention was that the absence of pride makes me feel so bare. Like I'm holding on to it for that just-in-case moment that I realize I just don't want to give it up--- just yet. Maybe until I realize and find the right reason for taking in my pride and as a result, would actually make me a better person. Maybe I'm still waiting for that "humbling experience" to happen. You know, the kind of experience that just makes you realize your flaws and that you have to change not for anyone but for yourself. Am I making any sense? Well my point is, I'm slowly but unsurely taking in my pride in hopes that by doing so, I'm becoming a more mature person, a braver being. I hope. But I think what I'm doing is a meaningful endeavor and maybe more because I think that person may be worth getting to know, may actually be worth my while. We'll see. So find a cause, something that you think is worth your while. And if it's a someone, you have master patience and ask yourself if he/she is worth knowing or talking to and that person would make you someone better. Cheesy, yes but hey that's the truth!:D I end this with a quote in my head:

" When you find someone who makes you smile, when you find someone who makes you learn to love, who makes you wake up to the reality of life, when you find someone who truly listens and shares what he thinks, when you find you want to spend every hour, every minute, every nanosecond with that person, keep him and if he's not yet yours, find him. Everything starts with that one step that makes all the difference in the world."

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Friday, May 2, 2008

Love, Love and More Love

Love Doctor Mac says a little about love

We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that
experience makes us feel completely alive. Where
every sense is heightened, every emotion is
magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and
we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a
moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn't
diminish its value. Because we are left with
memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

1) Don't turn your back on love when it's already
in front of you, Don't drive it away from you,
because if you do, someday, you'll think again,
why you let love flew when it was there next to you.

2) In Love, think things first over if you're sure
about how you feel. Don't fall too hard not
knowing where you will stand, 'coz it will hurt
real badly if things don't go the way you want
them to be.

3) It's an irony to know that it takes hours for
someone to have guts to say "hi" to the one he
likes, days to admire, weeks to miss the person,
months to love, but just a blink of an eye to say

4) Go for the person who loves you. It is not
wrong to love someone who belongs to someone else,
but it is much better to love someone who could
also love you in return.

5) Love isn't something we hold, it is something
we set free. It's not something we just do, but
it's something we don't imagine it to be. Lastly,
it's not something we choose, it chooses us...

6) The scariest thing about falling in love is
getting hurt. The scariest thing about getting
hurt is not being able to love again. The scariest
thing about not loving again is being alone forever.

7) When you follow your heart, worry not where it
will lead you, for your heart knows the way. And
if you do get lost or reach a dead end, use your
head to lead you back home.

8) When you truly care for someone, you don't look
for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't
look for mistakes. Instead, you fight for the
mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook

9) It's better to lose your pride to the one you
love, than lose your loved one to your useless pride.

10) Love is ......... not its your fault ", but
"Im sorry ", not " where are you ? ", but " Im
here", not " how could you ? ", but " I
understand, not "I wish you were here ", but " Im
thankful you are ".

11) The beginning of love is to let those we love
be just themselves, and not twist with our own image.

Otherwise, we love only the reflection of
ourselves we find in them.

12) If a relationship is truly meant for you, your
love will find a way to make it happen, and God
will be there to make sure it will stay.

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Real Love Doctor Talks about planning your Valentine Date

The Real Love Doctor Talks about planning your Valentine Date

The Real Love Doctor Welcomes you all back for another session in our love clinic. Last time around we talked about how to effectively write an effective love letter for both man and woman, and boy follow emails poured in like crazy, okay well just about two mails. Hehe. They were all asking for the same thing though, one big question when valentines is just around the corner in just a couple of more weeks to be exact, they were asking how to have a perfect valentines date. Well that is just what the real love doctor Mac is all about. I am here as your friendly neighborhood Love Doctor and I will give out the best advices for you to make your partner happy, and make your very own experience in this year's valentine a successful and memorable one.

Valentine Dating for Couples Love doctor

Steps to take to prepare for a valentine date:

1. Plan ahead

Be it with months time preparation or now that it's just a couple of weeks ahead, Valentines needs a rough draft or a few imagination to go along. Ask yourself these few questions. Will I have a budget to spend when the date comes? What are her favorite restaurants? Can I afford to take her there? What are my alternatives? Gifts? How many hours will we spend outside? Movies? Something outrageous and out of this world? Will I be going according to her preference? My preference? Compensated preferences?

2. Gifts are Important

As a gentleman make it always a great hobby to offer your woman or woman to be gifts, women are suckers for gifts and usually feel special when you hand this stuff to them. Make the gift something she can use often, that way she can remember you every time she use your gift. Well think of something fast now.

3. Make Reservations

Always make it a habit to scout your place to hang out with, if good take the contact numbers of that place and call up weeks prior to the Valentine Event. This way you can avoid rush ups and competition with other couples dating during the same time of the holiday.

4. I go for a letter rather than flowers, but girls have a world different than our own

In other words, be unique. Uniqueness earns points to a girls heart, if chocolates are her craze give only a few, a simple flower and not a bouquet can be romantic, but bear in mind that a million men out there also will buy flowers, do you want to be with the majority too? Originality will bring out the best of you.

5. Lastly, treat her well and make her a princess even for the day only

Give in to her wishes and make this day special to her and for you to. If you got this mind set right from the start then I can guarantee you that you will have one of the most special day ever.

Have a blast the both of you, and I will be writing a few articles still before Valentines, So make plans now, write them up to make you remember them and start saving for that day, In my count valentines day prices are always bloated up to take advantage of couples celebrating the said event, so take this 5 steps for a successful and wonderful day.

Till next time, The Real Love doctor signing out of the love clinic. Feel free to mail me all your love problems and love inquiries on our new email ad

Till next time Love Doctor is out

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

How to effectively write a love letter to a Woman and a Man

How to effectively write a love letter to a Woman and a Man

Hello dear readers of our Love Clinic, The real Love Doctor is in once again, Happy new year to all, the festivities of the season of new Year is almost over and from those times about a week ago or later we have maybe wrote a couple of letters to family and friends??? If so you did, great if not then better start practicing my friend. Today Love Doctor Mac will tackle about how to write effective Love Letters for both sexes, yep that's right. So read on and learn


You want to give her something special - words that convey how you feel about her! But, where do you start?

This article tells you what she wants to know and how to say it to her.


writing a love letter

Difficulty: Easy

Things You'll Need

  • 30 minutes to an hour of uninterrupted time.
  • scrap paper
  • nice stationary
  • A good writing instrument
  • a pressed flower, a photograph, or some small momento



Step One

Take a few moments to just sit quietly and think about her. On a scrap of paper, jot down the first words that come to your mind about her.

Step Two

Still thinking about her, write down one response for each of these:
a color, a texture, a scent or smell, a time of day, a season, a food, a song.

Step Three

If you have a favorite or special memory of the two of you, write down a few key words about it. You don't have to write details, just "caught in the rain," or "falling on the step" will do.

Step Four

Now, you're ready to write. On a scrap of paper, your first sentence should tell her that you were thinking about her today, and then include those first words that came to mind when you were thinking about her in step 1.

Step Five

Now, choose a few of the descriptive words (the color, scent, etc.) that you like the most. Make them into a couple of sentences. For example, if you're the romantic type, tell her that thinking of her reminded you of a warm sunny beach at midday, with the smell of jasmine on the breeze. Or, if you're more the strong and silent type, tell her that she is the softest, most beautiful woman you have ever known.

Step Six

Your last sentence should be something like, "It made me smile when I remembered ..." whatever your favorite or special memory is.

Step Seven

Read it over and make adjustments until it sounds right to you. Do not make adjustments more than twice; trust yourself. Your feelings will come through.

Step Eight

Write out your final draft on nice, quality stationary. Place a pressed flower, a small photograph, or something unique to the both of you inside. Seal it well or with a sticker that you know she will like.

Overall Tips & Warnings

  • You can buy single sheets and single envelopes of good stationary at art supply stores.
  • Be sincere and honest. Your love letter should truly be inspired by the thoughts you have of her. It will show in your words.
  • To a woman, it's the effort that counts. If it appears like you went through trouble just for her, she will love what you give her, no matter how difficult your handwriting may be to read.
  • Keep it about love and your appreciation of her. Don't inject sex into your love letter. (Save that for a different kind of letter, or yummy phone sex!)

writing a love letter

How to effectively write a love letter to a Man


You want to express yourself, but you're not sure what to say or how to say it. What will capture his attention?


Difficulty: Easy

Things You'll Need

  • 30 minutes to an hour of interrupted time.
  • scrap paper
  • Masculine or neutral stationary (paper or email background).
  • A good writing instrument.



Step One

Sit quietly for a few minutes. Picture him in your mind. Think about the way he makes you feel and why.

Step Two

On a scrap of paper, jot down a few key words based on your thoughts. You can either formulate sentences out of these words, or simply use the words, alone, to convey what he means to you and why.

Step Three

Limit your sentences to 15 words. Limit your letter to four or five sentences, maximum. Three would be ideal. Men have very good imaginations, being the visual creatures they are. They don't need a lot of words to understand what you mean.

Step Four

Add a scent. If there is a scent you wear that he knows well, spritz a little in the air and wave your love letter through it. It will carry the smell without being overpowering.

Overall Tips & Warnings

  • Men are visual animals. Keep your words few.
  • Add a sketch or photograph to your letter. Or, if you're sending an email, find an image that conveys your feelings and include it at the end of your words.
  • Be sincere and honest with yourself; it will show in your words.
  • Lace and frills should probably be avoided. Consider his tastes when choosing stationary or an email background.

There we have it.. till next time on the Real Love Doctor Clinic! This is the Real Love Doctor Mac Signing out.


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